if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
