weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
