when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize