Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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