I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
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you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
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Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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