i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
