no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
