I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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