I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
