I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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