goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
