his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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