I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
