I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
