I faked an abortion last night.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
