Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
