are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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