Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
