Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
