She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
