I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
