Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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