I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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