my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
