I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
