that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
