He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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