Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
