Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
