please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
