im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
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Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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