Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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