She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
