but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
