I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
