id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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