oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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