My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
