Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i love accidental penises.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
