i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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