he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just invented taco cereal.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
