Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
