At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
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it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
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I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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