well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
