So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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