her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
