Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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