At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
