How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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