How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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