Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
