He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
