i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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