There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
