The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
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3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
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I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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