I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
