Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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