i was born a porn star she said
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
