is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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