i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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