Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
