I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
