sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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