I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
