defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
