Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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