I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
