the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
