I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
