I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
