Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We were destined to go to rehab together
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize