Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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